My Red Tulips

The brown patch of ground just outside my kitchen door, after some time of barrenness from the coldness of winter, has suddenly burst with color.  The red tulips never fail me.  They are the first to announce that Spring has sprung! 

This is the first spring without my Mommy.  These lovely reds would have kept her company while waiting outside for her ride to dialysis.  Even behind the bush, she would have noticed them and admired them.  Just like how she would notice if I had a new haircut or a new pair of shoes, she was always ready with her approval.  Tulips are tough, after being under the harshness of all weather, they show off their vibrant colors come spring.  My Mommy was tough.  She handled all of life's tests very well and came out triumphant.  And during her last few months with us, she was in and out of the hospital but she never complained.  Nothing could break her spirit.

Like my red tulips, my Mommy was such a beauty, inside as much as outside.  She was always with a smile and a kind word to others.  No wonder everyone who ever came to know her, be it for a minute or 10 years, loved her.  She was kind and gentle, and  loving and caring.  I miss my mommy.  I miss her sitting on that cream-colored recliner in the family room watching TV.  I miss her welcoming us home from a hard day at work.  I miss her in the kitchen making dinner even if she was tired from dialysis.  I miss listening to her worry about people other than herself.  I miss her being mad at her taxi service driver for picking her up so late for her dialysis.  I miss her reminding me to fill-up Bong's and my pill cases.  I miss seeing her hug my kids whenever they are around.   I miss her thoughtfulness.  I miss her good humor.  I miss her smile and her quite laughter.  I miss her hugs and her kisses.  I miss my Mommy.  :'(   

Tulips are said to symbolize perfect love.  My red tulips are for my Mommy for she loved me so perfectly.  Sooner or later, I will be a grandma and a mother-in-law and I worry if I will be a good one.  I asked Bong.  He replied, "I know you will be.  You will be just like your Mommy". 

Happy Mother's Day, my beautiful Mommy!  
 

 

Mother's Day May, 2012

My Mommy, My Best Pal

Monday, exactly a week before the eve of Christmas, I had the most difficult task of having to tell everybody about Mommy's passing.  Saying goodbye to her for the very last time was even harder and having to witness Daddy let her go was just so heartbreaking.

Was this the Christmas miracle I was hoping for?  Probably.  Not how I envisioned it, but yes, Mommy came out of all her pain and suffering... forever.  In time for Christmas, she went home to see Jesus and I am sure that Jesus is very pleased with her.  She fought a good fight and and left us with so much treasure... not money, but education; not gold, but the best of life's lessons.

Mommy was not a hard person to please, neither did she have a hard time pleasing others.  Everyone loved her.  Everyone is going to miss her. 

I will miss her but I will remember her...
... Every time I take care of family, for she taught me how
... Every time I need to help others, for she was my best example
... Every opportunity to be kind and generous, for she gave me this heart
... Every time I am called to be modest and respectful, for humility was her best virtue that I hope she passes on to me
... Every time I have to fight for love, for she showed me never to hold back on it
... Every time I see my children and all the other grandchildren, for they were her life.

I will miss her but I will never forget!

My Christmas Miracle

Waiting... Seated comfortably on a couch with my legs stretched out to the unoccupied end, I was letting time pass by playing with my iPhone,  My dad, on a separate couch next to where I was, eyes closed, was probably trying to get some sleep to disregard the anxiety that comes with waiting.  One by one, each family was summoned to the front desk until the waiting room was almost empty, except for one family and us.  Finally, our wait was over,  The lady nurse in light blue scrubs told us that the surgery was done and we can now see her.  Room 114B of the Henry Ford Hospital in downtown Detroit, there lay my mom. She was looking so much better without that NG tube sticking out of her nose.  Hope springs!  With the PEG tube now in place, she can be fed better.

Diagnosed with a condition called Achalasia, for months now, she has been feeding very poorly.  As a result, she lost a lot of weight and much of her strength.  After a couple of weeks in the hospital and a battery of tests/examinations, Achalasia turned out to be something more serious.  A cancerous mass growing outside of the LES was pushing it shut, hence, the rejection of food.  With the PEG, we have high hopes -- that she will now be fed better, regain her strength and be ready for the next step, fight the cancer by radiation therapy.  Now, we wait.... again.

But isn't Advent all about the waiting?  Much like the three wise men, waiting patiently for their journey to end, alas! found their Miracle in a manger... or the shepherds, humbly awaiting the good news, were led to their Miracle... or Mary and Joseph, obediently waiting, and the Miracle happened to them.  The Christmas Miracle!

I believe in the miracle of Christmas.  A clear picture in my mind of my mom getting out of this difficulty with a big smile on her face, this is the Christmas miracle I am claiming.

I will be patient.  I will be humble.  I will be obedient.  I wait.
 

Life As I Know It

There are three persons inside me. These are them: 

(Awesome illustrations by my awesome daughter, JAS)

 

1 - Casilda, a.k.a., Dang, Mommy Dang, Ate Dang, 'Nang Dang, Sis Dang, Danggit, etc. She is wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. She talks a lot, laughs a lot, cries a lot. She always wants to do the nicest things... she tries, although sometimes in vain.

 

She can cook... that might be what everyone thinks... but if she gets in a pickle, ready made food can taste just as good. She is patient, always trying and trying, until... yey, success!... well, not all the time, and she can get really frustrated and angry when things don't go as she would want them to... but, oh well, nobody's perfect!

She is the one to call when you need a little advice on how to sew, embroider, cook, craft, or whatever else... she might not have all the answers but a little chit-chat with her can be fun. She's not rich but she'd be happy to share with those in need.  She is what everyone expects her to be.





2 - Super "C". She is what everyone expects her to be...  and MORE.





She can definitely sing and dance at the same time.... that is, in her own private time and place. She is a multi-tasking, confidently calm, do-it-all, she-can-do-it, she'll-find-a-way, go-get-her, she-knows-what-to-do, she's-here-and-there-all-at-once, never-tired type of a gal.

Though, sometimes she needs help with something she needs from the upper shelf of the cupboard. This is because, it's really no big secret, she has yet to learn how to fly. She asks people to wait and be patient because, it's really no big deal, first things first, then on to the next.





She can remove any type of stain from any type of clothing... or can she really?  She can do laundry while she's cooking the perfect dinner and do a little embroidery on the side... how hard can that be?!  Whew! that is quite a task in one normal day.



3 - Casilly-dilly. She is a little girl who loves to have fun. Being silly and disorganized is her specialty.





She can be very forgetful that she cannot even remember being angry with anyone. She is afraid of being alone in the dark and much more, of scary movies.





She gets a little cut here, a little bruise there from being so sloppy with doing things... but there's nothing that a band-aid and a little XOXO can't fix.





Beautiful things in display windows at the mall make her eyes twinkle... ahhh, dreaming makes them hers.





She doesn't like making her bed or cleaning the house... but that's what mommy Dang wants. Sad movies make her cry... even sad songs make her cry. She can't help being sluggish sometimes, she just wants to curl up on the couch and watch TV. She does not care about everything that's happening around her, she's just so happy and thankful that she is being loved.





Super "C" and Casilly-dilly do not get along well, while Casilda just sits back and watch this conflict. But in the end, they have got to somehow be in agreement with each other, otherwise, you know where to find me.



This is my crazy existence, I call LIFE. What is yours like?







My Golden Boy!

Half a century!  Bong celebrated his 50th birthday a year ago today.   We were in the Philippines for Thaad's graduation and this is how he spent his birthday...

 Waiting for his guests, the less-fortunate kids of Nonoc.

 

 Please fall in line....

Packed Spaghetti lunch for each kid.

 A little sometin'-somethin' for each one.

 

 Bong's little buddies, helping with the drinks.

 KB Kaye, in-charge of the guest list.

     

 Psssttt.... focus on the guests, not on the camera.

 ... more guests,  will there be enough?

 No child left behind... everyone gets a present from Tito Bong.

 Even the little helpers had fun!

 Not even the rain could stop the party.

 JK and Jojo, errand boys.

 Hungry helpers did not mind left-overs.

That was a milestone marked with a lot fun... and love.  Today, he celebrates another birthday.  I thank God everyday for the gift of his life.  Happy Birthday to the man who makes my life special... Happy Birthday, my darling, Bong!

 

I Bid You Adieu

Last year, Thaad, Bong and I spent Christmas with Mommy Tit in Zamboanga City.  We missed Jas and Gem who stayed home in Michigan with Lolo Buddy and Lola Fe.  But that proved to be a most precious Christmas since it would have been Mommy Tit's last and we had that chance to celebrate it with her.

She spent her last years in the house that she raised her family in... where every little corner reminded her of her children's resounding laughter... where all the walls witnessed her joys and pains... where it was home. 

 

Very strong willed and opinionated, she was often misunderstood and misjudged.  Yet, for those who truly know her, she was encompassed in kindness and compassion.  She might have had a different way of showing affection but she loved so much, her woes were made insignificant.

To my children, Jas, Gem and Thaad... Lola Tit's gift to you is your daddy.  He is what he is is now because he was raised by a great woman that is Lola.  Her kindness shines in daddy everyday.  Her strength is manifest in how daddy deals with all of life's stresses.  Her inner beauty glows in daddy's good works.    

 

To Mommy Tit... I shed a tear for you today because you have left.  But your life here on earth was never in vain.  I thank you for Bong.  I thank you for the love you gave me.  I thank you for the lessons you have taught me.   I thank you for the family I am blessed with thru you.  You will be missed, but for now, I bid you Adieu.  It was a pleasure knowing and loving you... until we meet again.    

 

A Piece of the Apple

Some  56 years ago, way way before 'Roe v. Wade', a woman's choice was always life.  So when graduate student, Joanne,  learned of her unwanted pregnancy, she had no choice but to proceed with it.  She gave birth to a little boy and gave him up for adoption.  The new parents, Clara & Paul, named him Steve.  The rest is history.  We all know Apple co-founder and CEO, Steve Jobs.  News of his passing a couple of weeks ago saddened many.  People remember him as the great entreneur who revolutionized personal computing.  Some, who worked with him, have stories to tell, nice and not so nice.  But I remember him everytime I open my iPad, thank you Stevie!
    

If abortion was legal 56 years ago, and Joanne would have opted to kill that baby she was carrying, would we think differently now?